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Caring for Aging Siblings: When Is Assisted Living the Next Step?

A man holding the hands of a woman in a wheelchair

In 2021, the U.S. Census Bureau found that 19.6% of Americans between 55 and 64 reported being childless, along with 15.9% of those aged 65 to 74 and 10.9% of those over 75. Additionally, 27% of adults aged 60 and older lived alone, as do about half of women over 65. While most people say they’d support a sibling in need, only 7% have reached out to a sibling during a time of crisis. 

If you have an older brother or sister who may need additional care and support, it’s likely that you will be the one who notices – and possibly the one who needs to act. But when does someone need assisted living? Here are some suggestions on what to do if a sibling needs assisted living. 

How to Tell if a Sibling Needs Assisted Living

Assisted living communities, like Galleria Woods, are designed to promote independence in a safe, convenient, home-like setting. Your loved one will receive help with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as getting ready for the day, and have access to a calendar full of engaging activities. Here are some signs to help you tell when someone needs assisted living: 

  • Change in appearance: Unbrushed hair or wearing dirty or stained clothes may indicate they’re struggling with basic self-care, such as bathing, grooming and managing medications. 
  • Weight changes: Noticeable weight loss or gain could signal difficulty preparing meals or shopping for groceries. 
  • Changes in mood: Irritability, unexplained anger, or sudden disinterest in favorite hobbies may point to emotional distress or isolation. 
  • Difficulty with home upkeep: Burned-out lightbulbs, piles of unsorted mail, or an increasingly cluttered space may suggest they’re having trouble maintaining their home. 
  • Mobility challenges: Trouble walking, or getting out of a chair or bed, can make nearly every daily task more difficult. 
  • Driving issues: Scrapes, dents or fender benders may indicate that driving has become difficult or even dangerous. 

How to Talk About Assisted Living with Your Sibling

When you decide to discuss assisted living, or another type of long-term care, with your sibling consider these tips: 

  • Do some research: Familiarize yourself with what assisted living offers so you feel informed and confident when discussing it. 
  • Talk in person, if possible: Choose a time when you’re both rested and relaxed to talk face-to-face, without distractions. 
  • Don’t wait: Don’t put off the conversation until a crisis forces your hand. Early planning leads to better outcomes with less stress. 
  • Be honest: Share what you’ve noticed and why it concerns you. They may be overwhelmed and not have considered all the options. 
  • Ask questions: Invite them to share how they feel about the changes they’re experiencing. This approach shows you’re there to understand, not just advise. 
  • Listen: Your sibling may have fears or objections about moving. Acknowledge their feelings and ask follow-up questions to better understand their concerns. 
  • Don’t rush: Give your sibling the time and space they need to process their feelings. An unpressured conversation leads to more lasting and cooperative decisions. 
  • Stay focused: Keep the goal in mind – to help them find the support they need. Stay open to their ideas and concerns. 
  • Empathize: Check in with them throughout the process to gauge where they’re at emotionally, whether it’s the first conversation or you’re already visiting communities. 
  • Plan for multiple conversations: Unless there’s immediate danger, it’s okay if this decision takes time and requires several discussions. 
  • Arrange a community visit: Seeing a community firsthand can ease anxieties and help them envision the lifestyle, amenities and neighbors. 
  • Respect their autonomy: Unless your sibling is mentally incapacitated, the decision is ultimately theirs. 

Getting the Conversation Started

Starting the conversation can be the hardest part. Open-ended questions like the ones below can encourage your sibling to share their thoughts: 

  • How is it living at home alone? Do you still feel safe? (You may want to mention specific concerns like managing medications, falling on stairs or struggles in the kitchen or bathroom.) 
  • Do you have a plan for long-term care? (If you got sick or injured and couldn’t care for yourself, what would you do? How would you pay for it?) 
  • Do you feel lonely sometimes? Would you like to spend more time with people who share your interests? 
  • How do you feel about driving? (Would you be open to transportation options that relieve you of the stress of driving, parking and car maintenance?) 
  • Ever think about having someone to help with housekeeping or laundry? 
  • Would you feel less stressed if you didn’t have to worry about the house? 

Additional Assisted Living Resources

We’ve helped hundreds of older adults determine whether assisted living is the right option for their loved ones. Want to learn more? Read our blogs on what a day in assisted living is like and how a health assessment can help you decide when someone needs assisted living.  

Galleria Woods offers award-winning assisted living and prioritizes independence and freedom. To learn more, call us, use our Community Assistant chat feature or contact us here and explore whether assisted living is the right fit for your sibling.